Do you know how to take a compliment?

I have several ongoing book projects and there has been a learning curve to making sure all projects get consistent attention. One of my projects is a practical non-fiction book helping people of color with being successful in predominantly White business settings. There are many unspoken rules that I bring to light in the book including but not limited to how to communicate, negotiate, follow up, and build social capitol. I just wrote a section related to communication and, more specifically, how to take a compliment.

Do you know how to take a compliment?

I remember a female colleague and friend once giving me a compliment on how good I looked one day. And I responded by saying something like, “Oh, then I must look awful most of the time.” I cringe when I think back to responding to a compliment that way. Thank goodness this friend was sweet and honest enough to respond with a smile and a gently redirecting, “Oh, come on. Stop that.”

Sometimes we don’t realize the many ways that our insecurities surface. Some of us feel embarrassed, self conscious, or some version of uncomfortable at times. It can become a disadvantage, though, if we allow insecurities to block communication and opportunities. In the book How to Talk to Anyone, author Leil Lowndes made the point that when you don’t accept a compliment, you’re questioning the judgment of the person who chose to give the compliment. Not to mention, you’re dismissing their choice to share that compliment with you, which they certainly didn’t have to give. You are also discouraging positive affirming communication.

Part of the issue may be not knowing what to say in response. The simplest response would be “Thanks” or “Thank you.” If you feel awkward, then moving on to another focus quickly can help calm that feeling. Other responses could be “Isn’t that nice of you to say” or “I appreciate that.” Another option is to return the compliment with one in kind. If you struggle with coming up with a compliment for the person, you can always default to “Thanks for being kind and saying that.” But you can also compliment something that you have observed about them if it’s a person you have spend some time around.

Ultimately, accepting a compliment adds to the flow of communicating with another person and that tends to be a plus. So, the next time someone compliments you, try accepting rather than deflecting and see how that goes!